Ask Me Anything
Q: I've seemingly run head first into a wall as far as my own understanding of who I am and how I feel about myself. I've lost a lot of passion for a lot of things and I find myself drifting through the day without any drive or real connection. I tend to beat myself up over the small things and then am just too turned off to try the bigger things because I feel like if I don't get it right I'll just beat myself up further. In the last year, my life has been tumultuous from a family perspective and I just don't feel like I have a solid base or foundation for anything. I guess my question is really how you go about facing things like this head on? I've read your posts on the website and a number have really resonated with me but I'm just not sure how to gear myself up to make those leaps and changes. Are there any strategies that worked for you?
A: I want to first thank you for being so open with your question and for always being so supportive of my work. Remember that the light we see in others is often the light we need to recognize within ourselves. It is a mirror reflection of our own greatness and possibility.
To answer your question, I think it's always better to take things one step at a time. Basic rule of thumb: Keep It Simple! Sometimes, when we are craving change or have a knowing that what we are doing right now isn't working anymore, we try to change everything at once and it ends up being overwhelming and we quit, beating ourselves up worse than before for not following through. That just plays negatively on our integrity and self-belief.
It sounds to me like you are being very hard on yourself and you have some expectations that you are trying to maintain (they may be yours or someone else, only you can answer that). Know that right here right now is the exact place you are meant to be in the exact way that you are. It’s the perfect launching pad for personal growth and improvement!
The good news is you are fed up with what you’ve got going on and where you are now so send out a big old thank you, gratitude hallelujah to all that brought you here. Life is always happening for you!
The first step is to evaluate the things that make you happy. The things that make you feel good and inspired. Write them down, and ask yourself if you give yourself permission and time every day, week or month to enjoy those activities. These are your non-negotiables. Next, write a list of things that you have to do. These are the adulting things that we don't necessarily love but they pay the bills for example and are a part of being a contributing human on earth. Then, take a look and see if there are things you may be saying yes to that aren't needs but you make yourself feel guilty for saying no to. These are things like favors for people or saying yes to invites that don’t move you. It's good to give to those we love but it's also very loving to both ourselves and others when we say no. Our energy is no good to anyone if we don't show up wholeheartedly. By comparing these lists you’ll be able to see where there are any imbalances and it will bring you closer to your core values. From there, you can create the boundaries you need that will incorporate more of life's pleasures that are important to you and help give you the courage and strength you need to cut out the extra time wasters that are getting in the way of your happiness. Everything boils down to our own sense of self worth. It's perfectly normal to waver in and out and awareness really is the secret sauce. Which you already have access to because you felt that twinge in your gut that said: "Nope! This isn't it." Our work is to strengthen that self- love muscle and we do that by getting to know our core desires and creating healthy boundaries. It can be tricky with family but this may mean gently removing certain relationships or creating a safe distance by limiting time spent with certain groups or individuals. You don’t have to cut people out completely but if someone’s nagging or negativity is draining you and fueling your lack of self- worth a gentle thing to do is to maybe call them once every few weeks instead of every day. Surround yourself with like minded people who inspire you and contribute to your feeling good about yourself.
The next step is to find and cultivate the courage to ask for what you want out of life. Get a journal and write it down everyday and really believe that you deserve to be happy because you do. This is our divine birthright. We just need to get you back in touch with your passions and charge up your authentic power. Everything you need is within.